My boyfriend is addicted to the Call of Duty series. I bought him an Xbox for Christmas, and ever since then, he plays for hours a day. Seriously, he plays as soon as he gets home from work, stops briefly to scarf down some dinner, then right up until he goes to bed, which gets later and later. Last night, he stayed up until nearly 2 AM to get to a "stopping point." Since he plays online, with other people, he can't just stop whenever he feels like it. He doesn't want to "let the others down."
I'm glad he has something he enjoys so much, since he had no hobbies when we met, and I don't want to turn into a nag, but I'm getting sick of being ignored. At this point, I think he needs to go cold turkey and sell the Xbox. He has shown that he cannot control his habit, and it will tear us up eventually. If I hear, "Just a minute..." one more time, I'm going to scream.
What should I do, Kristangelo?
Signed,
"Zelda"
She said:
As a college English instructor, I can't tell you how many student papers I have read about video game addiction. It's no joking matter. Such enticing fantasy worlds, these games seem designed to lure players in and not let them leave. Like the lotus-eaters in The Odyssey, players (60% of whom are male) get sucked into their virtual worlds, where time melts away unnoticed and the real world loses its appeal and importance. I can't help wondering if these games don't provide an outlet for that archetypal need men have to hunt, kill, and protect. Needs that don't get fed anymore in our modern corporate world...
We have an Xbox, and I have definitely seen how alluring these games can be. Most women don't play them, saying they look stupid or that they have no interest in them. I don't play them because I know that I would eat me some lotus, take a semi-permanent seat on the couch, and lose days of my life. I simply don't have the time that I know they would suck out of me.
As for your boyfriend, I think he definitely has a problem. Whenever we can't control our usage of something, be it alcohol, painkillers, video games, or credit cards, we are addicted. The hallmark of addiction is evident when our lives "become unmanageable." If we lie about our usage, hide it, or minimize it, then there is a problem.
However, I think cold turkey may not be necessary. Yet. I recommend that he put down the controller, turn off the Xbox, and have a conversation with you about setting some limits on his usage. You needs to tell him, and not while he is playing, that you have a problem with the amount of time he devotes to the game. Your relationship is suffering, and if he values it, he will agree to a compromise. You must be careful though, to use "I" statements, to talk about how this is affecting you, and to avoid accusations or criticism. This is a problem you both face, together, and can solve, together. He needs time to play, and you need quality time with him.
If you two can compromise, then you will have some free time to go shopping, meet your girlfriends for dinner, or do whatever you want while he plays, and he will have some time to check out for awhile and kill some Nazi zombies. Of course, you can also opt to pick up a controller yourself, join in the game, and become part of his virtual world. If these measures don't work, though, he may need to quit, or you may need to quit him. Ultimately, he needs to decide for himself what is important and what deserves his time and attention. Then you will have to decide if you can live with his decisions.
He said:
I was just playing Fallout New Vegas and had to stop so I could type up my part of this... I really was, so I understand how these games could take over someone's life. When I was single I'd play Fallout 3 for hours on end, killing mutants and searching for for new towns. I beat that game, and when I did my Xbox sat idle for months... until New Vegas came out. Now, I play quite a bit, but I try to keep it down to times that I'm alone or when Krista is grading papers. But I must say that she still hears the occasional, "One more minute."
I think it's time for a little talk with your man. You need to let him know that he needs to manage his gaming time a little better. Yes, I said "manage his gaming time better" because the game isn't going away. If I had to guess, I'd say you'd be gone before the game if you put out the old ultimatum, so don't go there. Don't give him the chance to pick the game over you. Explain how you feel about his excessive gaming and see how it goes. If he doesn't come around, dump his ass. Game over!
